Post Surgery - 4 days

V DAY!!!! Yipee, surgery is over! Plus there is MORE awesome news. I got all my pathology back yesterday - and it was CLEAN!! We asked my oncologist if we could have hoped for any better news - and she said no - this is as good as it gets!!

I cannot even attempt to explain or put words to how I feel. I still almost feel like I am in a dream state, and will wake up and still be waiting for surgery and the "news". But, I keep pinching myself - and this is ALL TRUE!!

My results are back from my bone density - and my bones are STRONG! I will be on a post surgery pill regime for five years. One side affect - it can weaken your bones, so we have a plan for that. Which includes me working out with weights!!

All went well with my 1st steps with reconstruction. I have "expanders" in place with a slight "pump up". I still look pretty much like a teenage boy, but with a tiny bit of shape.

My PUMP is out!! For some silly reason, my pump bothered me from the start - and now it's out!

I came home with a pain pump (attached to me?!!!) about the size of a croquet ball. It "ran out" today as planned, and Dr. Wayne removed the tubes and pump. Now, I "just" have two drainage tubes. These do cause me some angst - but they will be out soon enough - and I am NOT complaining about anything.

I had 4 lymph nodes taken out and (again) the pathology on these came back CLEAN!!

I was blessed with a DREAM TEAM! Lead by Dr. Johnson. Each and every person was BEYOND professional AND nice. My ONE NIGHT stay at Good Sam was wonderful. Wow - I have total respect for the nurses. They work hard, and have SO much empathy!

I think I maybe cried three times over the past five months, but for some reason, today has been Niagra Falls for me. I think it's just relief. I cried at the ending of all the silly tv movies I watched all day (Tin Cup, for example!!), and just hug Wayne and cry!!! All happy tears!

THANK YOU to each one of you. You have given me such emotional support and love - and I KNOW this has got me through this. I still have about four months to go, but I am on the downside now. Will try to keep my blog updated, but just wanted to get this GREAT news out to each of you!

LOVE YOU, xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxo

3 days before surgery - but who is counting??

We are back from Honolulu! Just what the doctor ordered. 85 degrees, the Pacific ocean was as warm as a bath, the trade winds were blowing JUST enough to feel like we were being kissed by a warm breeze! As Tina Fey would say, "I want to go (back) to there"!! Truly, I thought if we sold EVERYTHING, we may be able to afford a little grass shack somewhere close to a beach?! The Royal Hawaiian was a dream! The pink palace. It's truly an oasis. It seems like you have been transported back in time to about 1950 something. We stayed in the historic section. It's been completely restored, but the only drawback, the bathrooms are the size of a postage stamp! Truly, cruise ships have larger bathrooms than this hotel! A small price to pay!

I came back to a "flurry" of more doctor appointments. Bone density, plastic surgeon, my surgeon, and final decisions to make. I will show up at Good Sam at 9:00am on Tuesday. Of course, a lot of hurry up and wait. The first thing - please give me as much valium as possible. The second thing, I go and have my breast injected twice with a substance/dye before surgery so they can find/track my lympth nodes. Yikes, this sounds like the most worrisome thing. I had (in error) thought they did this once I was "out" under. Then back to the pre-op room, for blood work, ekg, etc. Surgery will start around 1:00pm. I should be out of surgery by 4:00pm.

I will probably be in the hospital two nights. Several people have asked if they could come visit me in the hospital. I think I will be pretty groggy, filled with pain pills, etc. So - I might suggest, I would SO enjoy appreciate phone calls to my cell phone (503.329.1939) with good wishes, text messages and emails! I will take my computer (of course)! And most of all - the power of love, and positive thinking. Please send all of your good vibes and prayers especially on Tuesday and Wednesday. My good friend Nancy who has gone down this road ahead of me, said it was almost a surreal moment for her, that she could literally feel the love/support and being lifted up by her friends and family on her surgery date, and that it continued until she was safely at home! Who could ever want more than that?!!

So right now, I feel more anxious to get this behind me than anything. Yes, I do feel some angst/fear - but not too much. As always, the big worry, is what the final pathology will tell us. Of course, I hope for the best and am thinking positive thoughts. I will be disappointed, but NOT crushed if I do need further treatment after surgery. If I need radiation - I will just be thankful that is available as one more tool to keep me a survivor!

THANK YOU to each one of you for your ongoing care, love and support! I will update my blog as soon as I can, probably on Thursday!

Hugs and love, xoxoxoxoxoxo

Last Chemo before surgery!

May 24th - my LAST chemo before surgery! What a wonderful feeling to have that behind me!! Looking back, time seemed to both go fast AND drag by. Each session was getting harder, because the effects were cumulative. But, YEAH - no more chemo!!

My bilateral surgery is scheduled for June 22nd. I really feel like I am in a time warp, sometimes that seems so far away, then I wake up in the middle of the night with angst that it is sooooo close. I have very mixed feelings - so want to get it over with, but certainly a little more than scared!!

The other news, that I am still "digesting" and almost mourning - Dr. Barfe, my oncologist is moving to Denver. I am SO sad about this. She has become a very special person to me both as my oncologist, coach, and friend. I will spend the next five years with my oncologist, and they are in my opinion the most important person on my team. I am confident I will find a new oncologist that will be perfect - but I do miss that after being in the trenches with Dr. Barfe for the past six months, that I will LOSE her. Then I think, if this is the worst thing that happens, that it will be ok!!!

The GREAT news, Wayne and I are leaving tomorrow for a quick, impromptu trip to Honolulu! We got married at the Royal Hawaiian (a beautiful historic hotel that sits in the middle of Waikiki) 21 years ago. We will stay there and swim in the ocean, drink Mai Tai's and lay in the SUN!!!!

Aloha and Mahalo to all of you! Much love and will update my blog after my surgery.

Log Date: May 13th

Wow! I am really the world's worst blogger! I think I took my time updating this, because I had so much to think about...
I had my 2nd opinion with the UW/Fred Hutchinson oncologist - about two weeks ago. I LOVE this new DOC and feel 1000% complete confidence in her (as I do with my Portland oncologist). She has a specific background with Her2Nu, and is actively involved in ongoing research in this area. She was totally confident that my tests have MORE than proved that I am Herc2NU negative. This is a relief. It means that I will NOT need to take the herceptin for one year. I have already discontinued it with my chemo treatments, but we were going to start it back up after my surgery, if we determined I was positive. This new oncologist will be available as a resource/back-up to my Portland team. It can never hurt to have another expert on the team!

So, I had set a goal to make a final decision regarding my operation after this appointment. My tumor has shrunk to the point, that I now have other options. I pretty much have LOTS of time to think about my options, and I have decided to stay the course with my original thought of having the bilateral mastectomy. It just feels like the right decision FOR ME. My surgery is scheduled for ...... June 22nd. It just seems SO real to write this date down. Yikes!

My LAST chemo treatment is scheduled for Monday, May 24th! WOW! In some ways the time has flown by, and in other ways, it has not. It seems like the whole new year of 2010 has pretty much been absorbed by my FIGHT against this cancer! I also realize this is just the first part of the journey. First chemo, then surgery. After surgery, a reassesment of treatment depending on the outcome of the labs. Next steps could include radiation, and then "reconstruction" (what a word!). Ongoing for 5 to 7 years, I will be on a prescription pill(s) for hormonal replacement, because of the type of cancer I have. Finally, THE most important part of the whole journey - to the ONGOING FIGHT to stay healthy and do all in my power to keep the cancer from returning in some other part of my body! That will be the BIGGEST mental part of this whole journey. Up to this point, there are actual THINGS to do (chemo, drugs, surgery). But once that is all over, it is somewhat like Las Vegas. Betting/praying on the odds for a LONG and healthy life!

Wayne and I are up in Washington at our cabin on Hood Canal! It is SO beautiful! I am trying very hard to walk daily! My chemo cocktail dose has been bumped up a bit, and is a little stronger. It does take about 10 days after my treatment before I start to feel more "normal". The first ten days pretty much finds me going for a walk, and then sleeping! Zoe and Circe have become glued to me through this! They are pretty much ready for a nap anytime. Wayne is my WHITE KNIGHT! I do not know what I would do without him. More than my DOCS, I feel he has the strength/belief to single handed pull me through this. I always try to meet him 1/2 way - but there are days I still want to just pull the covers over my head, and when I peak out - he is there for me.

THANK YOU to my friends and family for your ONGOING support and holding me up through this. I am still humbled by the outpouring of love, support and prayers. I LOVE your emails, calls, and joining me for walks, coffee - keeping me up with what is going on in your life and the "world" outside of my life! Hope you are all enjoying SPRING! I will work on planting my sweetpeas and sunflowers today! Hugs and LOVE to all of you!

Decisions, 4 down, 2 to go!

Ok, I am about to be FIRED from being a blogger .... Not sure where the time goes, I realize I am sleeping through the first half of 2010! Well, I have lots of news/updates and most of it is good! I had my 4th chemo "cocktail" on Monday (April 12th) and my first follow-up appt with my surgeon (the AMAZING Dr. Johnson) on Tuesday. We have discontinued the herceptin, until I get a 2nd opinion, which is scheduled for the end of this month at UofW/Fred Hutchinson Cancer Care. My 2nd opinion is with an oncologist who has expertise with herceptin.

Dr. Johnson shared with me, that my tumor has shrunk to the point, that we can consider doing a lumpectonomy. If I do the lumpectonomy, I will need to follow-up with 6 weeks of DAILY radiation. Plus, I will need to be comfortable living with the odds that I have a 10 to 15% greater chance of the cancer returning. If I stay the course with the bilateral, the odds of the cancer returning are less than 1%. I can consider a masectonomy, but again, need to be prepared to live with the %/odds that each year I will have a greater and greater chance of cancer returning. My first reaction is to stay the course with the bilateral. I have decided to let this all wash over me a bit, and make a decision after I get the 2nd opinion regarding the herceptin. The one bit of new news, that I did not realize, at the time of surgery, they will test the sentinental nodes for cancer. NONE of my (many) scans have showed any cancer cells under my arms, but we cannot be sure until they are literally tested during surgery. If the test is positive, I will need to do 6 weeks of daily radiation. I SO hope they will not test positive, but this information is good to know, so I can be mentally and physically prepared if this is the case. For some reason, radiation scares me more than anything. But, my Doctor said it is actually the easiest part of the equation. I am also going to look into the possibility of having the radiation (if needed) up near our summer cabin/Hood Canal.

The other new thing, I learned - my chemo cocktail includes some steroids! That MAY help explain WHY I am GAINING weight during chemo! Yikes! I am determined to reverse the trend/scales in the next six weeks!

For some reason, this was all good news, but I came out of this session with a bit of a case of the "mean reds" (that is a quote from Audrey Hepburn/Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's". I just always know I am in for two weeks of feeling "underwater", and then have the GREAT week of feeling normal, knowing I'm headed back... I'm not sure why I refer to my chemo feeling as feeling underwater - because I LOVE to scuba dive, and LOVE being underwater! The feeling is just over-all of feeling verrrrrrry slow, and sometimes that feeling of seasickness, when you come back to the surface. I also usually get these weird headaches after scuba diving. So - that is why I call my chemo feeling as being underwater!

I do spend each part of the day thinking of all the things I have to be thankful for - and there are MANY! Always at the top of the list, my FAMILY and FRIENDS! I was just reading about a Harvard survey regarding cancer free patients. There was a significant statistical correlation between the number of good friends you have and your chances of beating cancer and staying cancer free. Thanks to ALL OF YOU, that has greatly increased my odds!! I read this in Oprah's magazine, and I of course believe everything Oprah says!

My Mom's in Maui, Wayne's heading to Sun River to ski/golf. My great friend Robin is on her way over, and we are going to hang out and have a slumber party! Angie is stopping by tomorrow!

LOVE everyone! Please email and let me know what you are up to!

1/2 way through my chemo sessions!

Yeah! Over-all GREAT news to report. My tumor has shrunk to practically NOTHING! My Doctor, literally got little tears in her eyes! This is excellent news after TWO sessions! I of course have figured out that there are no guarantees, and it was the HOPE the tumor would shrink, but not everyone reacts to the chemo in accomplishing this. If it would NOT have shrunk, they would have rushed me into surgery. But now it appears that I will finish my next three sessions, and then go in for surgery. And, other news, the LONG awaited Herc2news THIRD test came back NEGATIVE. It still has a high value, but it is NO longer equivical. So, as of today, we discontinued the herceptin chemo, which is great news, because I would have been taking that for one year. We are going to get a 2nd opinion to review this last 3rd test. I am just a bit leary/apprehensive, mainly because I always felt it better to be safe than sorry. I think I just need time to digest this. The bad thing today, when they "punched" into my port - I literally just about fainted. Yikes! Some people's body reacts very well to the port, but mine has just remained very sensitive. Hope it heals up in the next three weeks!!! Also, my chemo regimen has changed up because of no longer having the herceptin. I am now on a stronger chemo, and may have more naseau. I will just have to play that one Beck song, that I like about naseau, and remind myself that I am a lucky/strong/warrior/survivor!!! Ms Pacman really has done her job! Pat - I love the pacmen you sent me! They are on the cover of my pink book!!

Wayne of course, was with me for the appointment and chemo session. I think he had tears in his eyes as well! My Mom called me this morning from Palm Desert. She had been up since dawn praying for me. My Mom REALLY does seem to have a connection to her God and angels, in regards to STRONG prayers. Please let me know if you ever need her to pray for you! She was the first person we called with this great news, and she was SOOO happy! She will celebrate her 80th birthday on March 29th. And she is a breast cancer survivor!

We are going to dinner at Terry/James tonight, with Sharon Brown and Terry in the kitchen! Yummm!

Thank you everyone for your calls and emails yesterday and today! It means to much to me - and so many of you are lighting your candle for me! I love you all!!!

Happy (full) first day of Spring!

I am sorry to have been such a deadbeat keeping my blog up to date! I can't believe how quickly these three weeks have gone by. And today is the FIRST full day of spring! The good news, I have made it through my 2nd session of chemo. As anticipated, the effects are cumulative, and the overall result - I have just been a LOT more tired. Some days - I have slept for literally 18 hours! I'm not sure if this is good for me or not - but I think sleep is good for your body to repair?! I have been going for walks, at least 4 a week. I would LOVE to say I have started jogging again, but I have not. My port area is still fairly tender. But, I have made this BIG discovery - if I sleep on my back, it hurts a LOT less?! Or it's all in my head, but it has been feeling better!

And, I am finally totally bald!! Thank goodness for all the cute hats my friends/family have showered upon me! Plus, I have two wigs. One "off the shelf" and one that is somewhat custom made. The off the shelf one ( I call it my Tina Turner hair), works for me - the other one still needs some work. I actually went out to a very nice evening, black tie affair last Saturday night to honor our good friends the Solimano's (for their good work supporting Seattle Plymouth Housing). I wore a little black dress, and my Tina Turner "do". Over-all good results, but by the end of the evening, I was in fear that my hair was going to "SPRING" off my head (it didn't). Plus the other exciting event, I volunteer for Make-A-Wish, and my current wish boy has been waiting for almost two years for his wish "to go" to the national Monster Truck Rally in Las Vegas! My wish partner, Kasia and I organized and went to his going away wish party and it was a big success and a LOT of fun!

We have been up at our beach cabin on Hood Canal. It is SO restful/relaxing/peaceful here. I have family close by (my brother, his wife and 2 boys) and my Mom (who is in Palm Desert). We got to spend time with Mike + family which was very nice!

So, my 3rd chemo appointment is this Tuesday. I seem to always have mixed emotions - anxious to hear results, excited to keep the whole thing moving along (I hope to be 1/2 way done with the chemo after this session), but of course - I am now just starting to feel "normal", and know that I will be back in for two weeks of feeling under the spell of chemo. I am really not complaining, and actually know how lucky we are in this day and age to have this wonder drug available!!!

In closing, just want to sincerely thank everyone for their ONGOING, continued, non-stop positive love, support and prayers! It means the world to me! I have a special pink notebook that is FULL of the most beautiful cards, notes and emails - that I read through ALL the time! I am truly blessed to have so many LOVING friends and family. It means more to me than I will ever be able to express!

xoxoxoxo

Chemo Cocktail Session two, eviction continues!!

I HAVE been doing a good job of not stressing, sleeping through the night - in general, just being more confident and positively focused, UNTIL last night! I was awake until 3:45am thinking about/worrying about my 2nd chemo appointment. Mostly - fearful that THE tumor was bigger, more problems would be discovered, etc. Just in general worry. Well - most of my worries were unfounded! My tumor has shrunk about 30%+ in size! My oncologist / Dr Barfe LITERALLY did a happy dance and hugged me! She said sometimes the tumor does not start to shrink until way after the 2nd chemo session! And, there was no gtd that it would shrink. We expected it to, but nothing (ever) seems to be a slam dunk! Other news, that DARN herktonew test (I am not spelling this right) was sent out for a 2nd expensive/fancy test to see if I am positive or negative. This 2nd test came back equivical AGAIN! So, now for a third VERY expensive test, which will hopefully have definitive results! This is very important, because it needs to be treated with a YEARS worth of herceptin (a mild type of chemo) for a year if it's positive. This chemo is an "easier" chemo, in regards to some side effects, but it CAN be hard on your heart. So, my heart will be closely monitored through the year. It is SO important, because if it is positive and NOT treated, I will have cancer cells that have a programmed genetic to quickly multiply. Hummmmmm.. I am tempted to take the herceptin UNLESS it is crystal clear that it is negative! I have had the herceptin included in my first two chemo cocktails. Sorry, for all this info - but it has just been perplexing!
Wayne shared by chemo session with me! We played cribbage, and he let me win! My chemo nurse was a DOLL! Loved her! I was home by 4:15pm, and was able to catch Colin Firth on Oprah! What a BIG/hard decision for Best Actor: Colin Firth, Jeremy Renner (my vote!), AND Jeff Bridges (who will probably win)! Wayne and I loved The Single Man! So looking forward to the Oscars! I ended the day with a totally UPLIFTING, wonderful party with R2/freelance production women BEARING way to many FABULOUS gifts! I will blog more about that tomorrow, because I still need to wrap my head around all of the LOVE, cards, gifts (I heard there was QUITE an electronic discussion on the UGGS!) plus tulips and pizza (delivered by a VERY cute, hot pizza boy!!). More to follow tomorrow!

Saturday (3 days before next chemo)

Sorry, I have not been good about updating my blog.... some computer problems (ouch!!), and just got back on Thursday from Hood Canal and 2 days in Seattle! If this first cycle of chemo is representative of how I will feel, it seems like it is a cycle. Once I came back from the "dark side" each day I felt so much better! And it's amazing how good it feels, just to feel normal! And to have days at a time, when I was not going to any doctor appointments! I am looking forward to my next chemo appt (this Tuesday), but also a bit apprehensive. I am happy to be ONE step closer to my goals!! That whole thing of "punching" in through my port, still mentally "freaks me out" a bit. But, better than an IV through my arm, I guess?! And, yes - my hair is starting to fall out by the handfulls. We have two cats - Zoe and Circe. Zoe has a beautiful coat of fur, and rarely loses her fur. Circe leaves a trail where she has been, with her fur. So NOW, Wayne has both ME and Circe leaving hair/fur every where we go!!! When I start having to do comb overs, I think I will have Wayne just finish cutting it all off, like a really short crew cut!!! We went for the most awesome walk today! Up some big hills in Johns Landing, and then dropped down to the river. Tons of flowering cherry trees, daffodils, daphne (my favorite bush), etc. And about 200 fishermen in the Willamette, fishing for Spring chinook!! We actually jogged for about 1/4 mile (a far cry from my last 8 mile run the end of January)... Hope everyone is enjoying the beautiful EARLY hint of Spring!! THANKS to everyone for the ongoing/nonstop cards, emails, calls, FLOWERS, soup, lotions/potions, books! I am SO spoined and appreciative! xoxoxoxoxo

Feeling Better! - Day 9

Wow! I am feeling HUMAN! I just read my last blog, and it sounded about as dreary as I felt.... I woke up today feeling like a GREAT BIG HEAVY DARK curtain had lifted! And, I have not taken ONE pill (yet!) all day! There is something to be said about feeling so absolutely miserable, SO you appreciate feeling NORMAL! I LOVE normal! I have a feeling my WBC (white blood cells) are rebuilding!! A gorgeous beautiful day in Portland! Sunny, warm - - perfect! I went for a 3 mile walk with Janice! The sun warmed my new SHORT hair! Wayne and I went to a MOVIE!! A Single Man (which I highly recommend). I LOVE LOVE LOVE Colin Firth, but my NEW obsession is Jeremy Renner, from the Hurt Locker. He is MY GUY for best actor (sorry Jeff Bridges fans). So, I was down 7 pounds yesterday, but I think I gained 5 back today! Yes, I ended the day with a lime chicken enchalida from Chez Jose! With a BIG glass of ice cold milk! WOW! So other highlights of my life (at home watching the Olympics), I am a HUGE Shaun White fan, having met him at numerous events through the years. It is POSSIBLE that I am in one of his highlight videos. And, this is embarassing .... He is about 13 years old, we are interviewing him after a day of snowboarding, both at the mountain and then in his hotel room with his Mom (who is a SWEETHEART!). You can see the interviewers and cameraman in his goggles (YIKES) !! He was so cute when we shot broll in his hotel room. There were twin beds in the room, and he was literally jumping between the two beds, doing tricks in the air! That was a LONG time ago!!

Thanks everyone for our ongoing emails, cards and calls. I LOVE hearing what is going on out in the "real world". My world is now like General Hospital. Ellie, my nurse navigator, is my one of my new BF's. I look forward to hear calls, to hear what is going on with her day and her gossip!

Talk soon! xoxoxoxoxo

Dark side of the moon

Hi to everyone! Sorry for the delay in updating, but I have hit the "chemo wall" a bit. It was to be expected. In the cycle of the chemo, I think I must be approaching the lower white blood cell counts, which makes me feel pretty lathargic/sleepy, hard to just keep my eyes open. I have had some naseau and stomach pain that have been pretty unsettling. But, it is good to know the chemo is WORKING!! I have been motivated to go for walks - thanks to Wayne, for getting me out there! 1 to 3 mile walks (a far cry from my last 8 mile run), but NO worries - I will be back to running as soon as I can! My port area is finally starting to feel better, almost "normal". That is a relief!

Wayne went with me to see Nakia yesterday, for my BIG hair cut. Wow! That was a little harder than I thought it would be. She cut my hair super short. Wayne thinks it's cute! I have to say, it's better than I thought it would be! Once it starts falling out, Nakia will cut it / shave it for me if needed. That should happen next week. Nakia is an ANGEL!


I have an appointment to meet with a nutritionist next week. A referral from my friend Nancy. I am looking forward to that - and think he will be able to help me with my over-all energy and get me on a better track with diet.


Thanks to EACH one of you for your ongoing emails, cards, visits, soup, "girlfriend" gifts, etc. The love and support of each one of you is THE biggest motivation I could ever want! Each one of you means so much to me! Will blog more later. xoxoxo

#5 - Eviction Day

To quote Kathy Krause, THE cancer got it's eviction notice today, to start packing! I do have to admit, I was equally excited to get started with my chemo today and somewhat scared. More excited than scared. My oncologist, Dr. Barfe met with me to start and her confidence along with her genuine caring is VERY assuring! I think she is young enough to be my daughter. Before med school, she was classically trained in ballet. I am quite sure she is an off the chart over-achiever. To say she inspires confidence would be a BIG understatement. Then, off to the "chemo cocktail" room. I think I was most nervous about "punching" through my newly installed port for the blood work and then the chemo drip. It was NOT too bad. They iced the area, and to than my friend Nancy Wojo for my next visit, I got a prescription for Lidocaine, which will make it MUCH easier next time. So, for the next three hours, the chemo FLOWED! One of my BFF (Penny Gardiner) was also with me, and we talked, laughed, played some scrabble (she LET me beat), etc. Yes, I wore my new UGGS (chemo boots)! I felt a bit flushed at times, but over-all - NO problem-o! I felt AWESOME after the session and still feel pretty "DARN" good. I may feel some nausea in the next few days, and then I will reach my "nadir" in about ten days, where my wbc (white blood count) will reach a VERY low threshold. This may cause some fatigue AND I cannot get SICK! I need to be a "nazi" about washing my hands and NOT being around anyone who has a sniffle of any kind. The chemo I am taking: Docetaxel (Taxotere), Traxtuzumab (Herceptin), Carboplatin (Paraplatin). If you rate these drugs from 1 to 10 (1 being mild), they are about in the middle. I WILL definately lose ALL of hair (in about one week). I am scheduled for 5 more sessions, to make a total of 6 sessions over 18 weeks. I will go in every 3 weeks. It's weird to say - but I feel REALLY good about having the chemo in my body. I have a couple of images, one is so goofy. Like Ms. Pacman, gobbling up all the "bad things" and the other one is (equally goofy), but the Knights of the Roundtable, conquering the chemo! The drugs must be already altering my thought process! I have NOT got the nerve to ask Dr. Barfe about medical marijuana, yet .... (just kidding!)

One of my other BFF, Janice gave me and some of our best girlfriends a candle to light. She suggested we light them on my chemo day, to unite against the evil cancer and my victory! Janice - I came home and lit my candle!! I shared the story with my Mom, and she lit a candle as well for me. My Mom and brother have some very strong prayers that they are sending to me. My Mom is very spiritual and has such an unshakeable belief in prayer. I LOVE her so much. She is a breast cancer survivor, and I remember being SO proud of her when I walked down the treatment and recovery road with her. I never in a million years, thought I would follow this same road. but seeing her courage is what I believe is helping me. Each ONE Of you, with your cards, books, flowers / SUNFLOWERS!, my new PINK pillow, photographs, sharing your day to day life with me, going to my doctor appointments with me, sharing your experiences/resources with me, teaching me how to breathe/meditate, living vicariously through your day/ski trips photos, sharing recipies, hat parties, comedy clubs - Most of all, just your quick emails and blogs to let me know what YOU are doing, means the world to me!

Right now at this moment in time, I feel GOOD and CONFIDENT that I will win this battle! I may have my head in the Curious George bucket tomorrow morning, with nausea - but that will be ok. That means the chemo is WORKING!

Goodnight, and LOVE LOVE LOVE you all!

Update #4 - radioactive!

Yeah, I "passed" my final test (for this week), before I start chemo. You realize how quickly your world has changed, when you check into the radiology department, and you know two of the techs! Desi (girl) is a sweetheart. She drapes me in warm blankets, and is an ACE at drawing blood. My "port" was too new to use... So, they took some of my blood, and mixed it with some dye, and then took a LONG photograph of my heart (for about 45 minutes). The purpose of the test is to make sure the left side of my heart is pumping properly - and it is! I hope some of my running (those two 1/2 marathons) have paid off! The other nice news, they shared the results right away, no test and wait. My good friend (a Director I work with) came over this evening and gave Janice D and me some personal yoga postions/medation/breathing exercises! I can see where this will be VERY helpful in the months ahead. THANK YOU, Sharon!! And, other nice news, Wayne has been by my side 24/7 since my diagnosis, and today he met up with our friend Mark to play some golf (in the rain!!). But - they had fun. I think they found the "19th" hole pretty early in the afternoon! I still have some pain/tenderness from the port surgery. I will take pain pills tonight, but hope to NOT take any tomorrow. We have a fire going, Wayne is making lime chicken for dinner and we may watch the "Hurt Locker" tonight. PLEASE send me emails - about what you are up to! I LOVE all the emails I am receiving with news from everywhere! THANK you, Bustamantes for the news from the GREAT WHITE NORTH, and from Jenn - my fellow Leo! xoxo

Update #3

It is a BEAUTIFUL Wednesday morning, in the city of roses! We woke up to sunshine, Mt. Hood glowing in the distance, our front lawn filled with maybe 100 geese eating their (bugs!) for breakfast, runners on the path along the river!

I had my "port installed" last night. I was scheduled for a 6:00pm surgery, but it was pushed back due to earlier emergencies. I fasted all day, which was not a problem, because I think I was too nervous to eat. This is only the third time in my life, I have been sedated. It was a quiet night, so I got lots of TLC! And, thanks to the port, this will be the last time they need to search for a vein for IV's, blood tests, etc. I felt like an "extra" in Grey's Anatomy. I was "awake" in the OR room for awhile, which was a BIT unnerving. Ellie (my nurse navigator, and one of my NEW bff), came and hung out with Wayne and me for awhile while we waited. Plus we had some face time with the incredible Dr. Johnson before surgery. I think it was also a good thing for me, because this was like a dry run for when I have my surgery this June. I can visualize everything and know what to expect. We got home around 10:00pm. Wayne set up "Lost" to record, so I had that to look forward to! I came home with a prescription for pain pills, and it has been a bit painful.

Other news, we have been waiting, waiting, waiting to see if my cancer is positive or negative for her-2-nu. In Wendy terms, this refers to the genetic of the cancer cell and it's propensity to multiply. 98% of the world is very clear cut positive or negative. Well, my results are equalivent. They will send out my cells for another test, but I think the plan will be to treat me like it is positive. We of course would have liked this to be negative, but the good news - there is a very successful treatment for this - called herception. This will become part of my chemo process - it is not a chemo drug, but another powerful drug which is very effective. I will have this treatment for one year. This is where I saw hallalejuah about the port! I will also undergo another battery of tests because of this treatment. I will get a full work-up on my heart! Wow - I am going to be the $6Million lady very soon!

Other updates, I finally found the right time/place to share my cancer news with my Mom. She is a breast cancer survivor. She was diagnosed when she was 72 years old, and will celebrate her 80th birthday this year and is cancer free. Her Mom (my Grandma) passed away because of complications due to breast cancer. I knew my diagnosis would be very unsettling for her. My brother was with her when I shared the news. Over-all she took the news pretty well. She knows she survived, and she has a very strong faith and believes in the power of prayer. It somehow becomes even more real to me, having shared this with my Mom - but in a good way.

So, we have many fun, normal things going on in our life. We helped my niece and family move to a new home in McMinnville. Exciting news for them. A roomier home, each of their babies will have their own bedroom, and a great kitchen (both Brie and Jerome are awesome cooks). So many of our friends are sharing resources and references. Janice and Mark brought dinner over, Nancy Wojo has shared a wealth of books and her amazing diet plans (Nancy - we had your smoothie! for breakfast today), Kathy and Russ have shared so many stories and photos which are so inspirational, flowers, cards, the list goes on and on. Angie is my rock in all of this. Sharon is coming over this week to teach me her "breathing" exercises. Penny is packing her bags to come spend next week with me (wig shopping, my chemo pal, etc).And at the end of the day, Wayne is THE MAN! While waiting last night, I peaked in the notebook Dr. Johnson has put together. She had in BIG LETTERS, Wendy has the love and support of her husband - Wayne! My girlfriend, Danna (a breast cancer survivor), said the #1 thing you have - is the love, support and belief Wayne has in you! I AM a lucky woman!

Please share what is going on in your life! I love hearing just your every day stories

January 29, 2010 - post #2

Hello my blog followers! Thank you for all of your wonderful comments yesterday. I had another battery of tests today, the BSGI/gamma scan. The news was over-all good! You get a shot, which puts dye into your body, and then it's kind of like a mamomgram, but much more detail. They also checked all under my arms. They did not see anything they did not expect to see. Of course, my tumor/lump - but nothing else. We really will not be able to rule out any lymph node problems, until surgery, but at least we know there are no big/visible problems. So, again - this is good news! Dr. Blanchard is the radiologist. She is amazing. They had the trainer for this elaborate imaging machine there as well (Debbie). She took a ton more pictures than they usually do, and she was happy with all of the images. Whew! Still waiting on one test from my biopsy, which we hopefully will get on Tuesday. So, next steps, I will go in for a small surgery next Tuesday evening, where Dr. Johnson will place a very small port in my shoulder area, where the chemo will be inserted. Then a week from Tuesday - my first chemo treatment. So, Wayne and I stopped by Nordstroms, and I was going to buy a pair of Ugg's as a treat. For some reason, all of the hospital testing rooms are VERY CHILLY!! I did not find the exact pair I want, but will probably buy them online. I did buy THREE cute hats! I am not a hat person, but will certainly become one! Ok, I have one more bit of news for all of you. This may not be a scientific fact yet, but there does seem to be some correlation between low levels of vitamin D, and cancer - especially breast cancer. So, for all of us Oregon/Washington sun deprived women - just take some vitamin D! Also, hopping on a plane for Mexico and Hawaii does not hurt either! I am so relieved that Dr. Blanchard talked with me this evening, and I did not have to wait until Monday for her reports. I have such appreciation for all of the medical staff I am meeting. They are experts in their field, always have a HUG for me, and they are nothing short of angels!! Wayne was of course with me all the way today. We are going to the Nielson's tonight for dinner and a movie. It sounds so nice to just hang out and feel normal. LOVE ALL OF YOU! Please let me know what your day was like as well!!

Baby steps - this is my first blog

Yes, I do have breast cancer AND I am blessed with SO many friends and family who love and support me. I have been calling and emailing as I can to share updates with everyone. We started thinking creating a blog that people could check out, at their convenience might be a good idea. First of all, from the bottom of my heart - thank you for the love/support, cards, books, and sharing that has already happened. We are still in the process of discovery. So far, what we know seems optimistic. I will go through chemo first (probably through May), and then surgery. Maybe no radiation. I have another big test/screening tomorrow. I have found out that the cancer is NOT in my bones, and not in any of my other organs. Some little spots on my lungs, so we may need to talk about that. So, that was AWESOME news yesterday! I have a DREAM TEAM of Doctors and specialists. Thanks to girl power / networking (Nancy and Kathy!!), this has been such a blessing to know I am in good hands. I will keep this short for now, but hope to update this blog as time goes on. Please send me information about YOUR life, jokes, travels, etc. Nice to have the distractions! LOVE YOU ALL!!!! Oh, I cannot end this first blog without saying that I truly have THE best husband in the world. Wayne has been with me every second and step along the way. I am usually "the producer" - figuring everything out - and he has taken on all the responsibility (for now!). I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. Zoe and Circe (our cats) are happy to have me around the house more, and follow me everywhere I go. More to follow, xoxo Wendy